Love can be tough when it doesn’t come natural. However, if I can find love and happiness so can you!
When someone is unlucky in love they can often feel like the whole world is against them.
Someone in this situation might feel that the world is unfair, that they are missing something or that they’re unlucky.
These were some of the feelings I used to have.
I don’t know if you can relate. I mean, I used to really suck at the whole game.
The worst thing was, the more I over thought it all and the more useless advice I got, the more desperate I felt and the more it felt like I would never make it happen.
Let me assure you, none of this is good for chasing love, romance or happy times.
Someone feeling like this, will act desperate, will read too much into everything and worst of all will have no confidence.
So, how did I turn it around? By learning a few simple facts about romance.
The facts to find love
The facts I’ve learned about romance, and I can’t reiterate enough that I truly did suck, are the following:
- Interesting and exciting is a attractive, soppy romance is not.
- Confidence is attractive, insecurity is not.
- You attract the type of person you deserve. This one I need to explain.
We’ll get to the explanation, but these are the basic facts that helped me turn it all around.
People selling magic success strategies to help you fool people into liking you, are absolute conmen and phonies.
It all comes down to these basic factors.
Find love with attraction
What are we attracted to? Looks.
I hate to break it to you, but we are all attracted to looks. We know it. We all want the Venus or the Adonis. Unfortunately, we can’t all be perfection. However, we can work with what we have.
The good news is we’re not all attracted to the same look and many of us will settle if we find something more special than looks
Still, none of us are really attracted to lazy, overweight, and uncared for. We are attracted to healthy, clean and positive. So make yourself look as good as you can.
Get in shape, groom yourself and dress nice.
Then you need to accept the reality — more on that when we get to what you deserve.
Interesting and Exciting
Beyond looks, we are attracted to interesting and exciting. Basically, no one wants boring.
That’s why soppy romance is dead.
I don’t know anyone who likes sitting around reading and writing soppy romantic poetry. I’d say that’s true for a majority of the population. People don’t want soppy, romantic, poetry type romance. However, I’m sure there are a percentage who do love soppy, romantic poetry. So, if that’s your thing, then go find the person that finds that interesting.
That’s the tip.
Find what interests you and find people who share it.
Next, exciting is attractive.
That’s why girls love the bad boys and boys love the naughty girls… excitement.
Where many might go wrong, is they feel like they have to be cool and not say the wrong thing and put up a show.
We all want excitement. We want excitement that’s safe for us though. So maybe think about pushing some of those limits and look to get some excitement in life.
That’s what I did. I was getting really bored with life. Then that old axiom kicked me in the butt. You know that old gem — only boring people are bored. So I followed a few passions, started to go travelling, became interesting and bam, found someone who thought I was interesting and exciting.
This brings us to confidence
Both men and women, and I’m sure everyone in between, want to have fun and live with purpose. They want to feel excited about life and to enjoy it without reservation. Especially with those closest to us. We want to live confident. And we want to feel sure.
Confidence is sexy.
No girl wants a guy who is wishy, washy and uncertain. He comes across as sissy and unsure. They want a fella who knows what he’s doing and can make them feel safe and sure of the attraction.
Also, no man wants a girl that’s too flighty and flakey. He wants to know that he’s with someone who is adventurous and ready to enjoy the excitement.
Confidence is not easy.
This was my Achilles heel. I had no confidence. I had built up to where I could get the conversation going and feel bright and positive. But get to that confident, ‘I like you and I want to be with you’ and I went to water. Then everything fell to pieces.
After that moment, comes the over thinking and the reading into things way too much and the insecurity.
Be confident! It’s better to just rip the band aid.
If it goes bad, what’s the worst that can happen:
‘I like you!’
‘Sorry I’m not interested’
‘Ok cool, your not the one. Good luck with it all.’
‘Yeah, good luck to you too.’
But who knows, you get the yes and they might be the right one.
Finally this brings us to what you deserve.
If you are down to earth, you can’t get the Princess. Don’t hate, just accept. She wants a millionaire lifestyle, you don’t, it won’t work.
If you’re a couch potato who loves sweat pants and lounging on the couch, don’t dream after Mr. Hot Stuff, alpha male. You won’t work together.
I’m hoping you get the idea.
People get into this situation and they get jealous and angry and curse the unfair world. The plain truth is you get what you deserve, so go find the one that fits you and don’t try to get the impossible image.
It’s horrible advice I know.
I know it sucks.
In a perfect world, we’d all get the hottest, most interesting person and they’d never make us jealous and crazy and we’d all live a crazy romantic utopian dream.
We’ll that’s not how it works.
I went through all of this on my journey to find love.
In the end, I got fit and healthy and found a little bit of attractive. Yet my balding head and persistent belly means I’m never going to attract a super model. And that’s fine- who needs those headaches.
I realised no one wants a soppy, nice guy, boring romantic. So I jumped on the plane and I found my muses and I became interesting and a bit exciting.
I realised being plain, safe, and playing it cool was stupid, and I decided just be myself. Who cares if I say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing.
Then, as if out of a romance novel, which I may one day write, I found the one who I deserved. Someone who find my version of funny, crazy, exciting and interesting.
I’ll leave the details out, but I’ll just say, I never imagined I’d end up with someone like my wife. But I definitely got what I deserve. We’re just right for each other and that’s all that needs to be said.
Final thoughts on how to find love
I’m no expert, but I’ve lived the angst and frustration of sucking at love and that’s how I overcame. If it helps one person that’s all I hope.
There’s no worse feeling than being a big romantic loser.
Follow the rules and find the life you want and a lover just right to share it.
All the best my friends.
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